Love Loathe Letters, Vol II

Dear Shoes:

Why must you be so noisy? You are of no help as I meander into work just in the nick of time. I realize we would rather be at home, nestled in bed, but we are not Dorothy, this is not OZ and no amount of clickity-clacking is going to rectify the situation. And why is it just the one of you, and never the pair, that demands to be heard? A steady rhythm is far more inconspicuous then the off-tempo beat you've got going on. I am not a ballerina and this walking-down-stairs-on-tippy-toes business is really getting old. As am I, so knock it off!

Hope to (not) hear from you soon,
K.



Dear Cat:

I love you, I do. I think you are endlessly cute, what with your out-of-control hair that so resembles my own, especially behind the ears. Your playful ways have entertained me to no end for years and years.... and years. However, do you think that maybe... just maybe... you could clue in to the fact I do not appreciate you standing on my freakin' head while I am trying to sleep? Why must we go over this night after night after night? Nothing has changed, I have not backed down and I do not appreciate your perseverance. Given the fact you stop if I cover my noggin with blankets I am either led to believe you are completely dumb or, more likely, you are trying to indirectly cause my death, via suffocation. I know you know I'm still under there, you continue to curl up at my feet. Smarten up.

You belong to me,
K.



Dear Street Urchin:

For months you've stood on the corner, acosting drivers as they sit at the red light with no means of escape, with a sign that reads 'Travelling, broke and hungry'. Now perhaps you don't understand the concept but the term 'travelling' generally implies you don't remain stationary for an extended period of time. Hungry? See that McDonalds down the street? They offer staff discounts and, looky-loo, they're hiring. In the endless hours and days you've spent on your ill-located corner (like, hello... catching one car in one lane of traffic... that's just poor logic!) you could have made 10 times the money and had a fancy visor to boot. Not that you would need such cash flow, based on your professionally dyed hair, recent tatoo, well groomed dog, brand-name jeans and, wait a minute, what's that I see in your pack?... A Mac book? Pension plan, aside, travelling broke and hungry is apparently the way to go! And all this time I've been saving up for my trips... pfft! Thank you, person I've seen a hundred times, for you insight, your worldly view and your lack of passport!

Keep on (not) Keeping On,
K.

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